Friday, March 14, 2014

Online Dating: 100 Unsuccessful Dates & The "Alpha Female"

So I've met a very interesting woman in Los Angeles. A woman who has been on over 100 dates with men without ANY success. She's remained friends with many of them, but since her intentions are to find a great guy for a relationship, I wouldn't consider that success.

What is she like? She's like most women that are trying online dating. She has a great job and she's smart, attractive, financially secure, active, and funny. She's just looking for the missing piece in her life. Why would a woman like this have so much trouble finding a partner? Do men find her intimidating because she actually has her life together?

You're Not Intimidating
Many women like to think that having all of their ducks in a row makes them intimidating to men. While this may be true for some men, it isn't true for most men. Most men don't care about your job, how much money you make, or how expensive your car is. We won't "ooh" and "aah" over your academic achievements. Yes, we love that you're  intelligent but at the end of the day your degrees aren't who you are as a person and they don't tell me what you're like at home or in the bedroom.

But You Feel Entitled
Women that believe they are "alpha females" often feel entitled. Guys need to be at least 6'2, make at least $15k more than you a year, and must fulfill a laundry list of other requirements. But this is what you're attracted to, you can't help that, right?

Albert Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you're finding that you have no success with men that match your "list" then maybe your list is wrong. Maybe some of your non-negotiables should be negotiable. Or maybe the guys that match your list just aren't attracted to your type.

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Or You're Difficult
Learn how to compromise and be sympathetic. If a guy is really into you he may be extremely nervous on your first date. He'll say something stupid, say barely anything at all, or come off as incredibly socially awkward.

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Do you expect men to carry conversations and keep you entertained? No man wants to have to work tirelessly while you lazily respond to his obvious interest. Do you ask questions and participate in conversations? If not, then you're making it hard for men to get to know you and they'll lose interest and find a woman that is easy to talk to.


Or You're Jaded
This is probably one of the most unattractive traits that anyone can have. Your past negative experiences don't apply to people you've just met. They have nothing to do with any of your past hurts and shouldn't have to pay for them. They also really don't need to hear about them. People can feel when you're suspicious or second-guessing them, which causes their walls to go up too. When two people are closed off the relationship isn't able to move forward.

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